"You're asking because of the storms in Beijing? We don't really know. They aren't telling us everything. Yeah, it's awful. Here are your tickets, you can check for the gate assignment once you're past Immigration. Have a nice trip."
Needless to say, the Air China agent left us unsettled.
When we asked the gate agents, three of them looked up our flight sequence, gave a concerned look, then a quick smile, then went back to gravely serious in order to tell us, "We are just the Hong Kong agents, so we don't know everything that's going on. We will check into it and get back to you. Please have a seat."
One woman was on the phone for about 20 minutes when she finally came over to tell us that the weather report for Monday was good and that the airline understands we don't have China visas and would take responsibility for us if the transit didn't go correctly. Basically, we should fly and hope. So, knowing we had the airline's backing - whatever that meant exactly - we went. Despite the flight being delayed because of weather conditions in Beijing.
Our first anniversary lasted 36 hours and spanned half the world. We went from Hong Kong to Beijing to New York to Boston using three taxis, two airplanes and one bus. Our stay in the Beijing transit hotel was our most expensive stay at $130 for about eight hours and our taxi from the New York JFK Airport to the Port Authority Bus Terminal was our most expensive taxi at $59 after tip.
Also, for the first time in a year, we found ourselves on a plane with mostly minors. A large group of elementary age Chinese kids and another group of high schoolers filled our 747 - with a relatively few teachers/chaperones in charge. It had the recipe for disaster. Although I'm certain the flight attendants would say otherwise, we thought the kids were very well behaved for a 12-hour flight and were much calmer than American kids would have been - especially given the plane lacked individual TVs/entertainment systems. Nonetheless, it wasn't ideal.
Still, we managed to get some real sleep in Beijing, take showers and make it home.
Arriving in New York was shocking. Of all the airports we passed through, it has the worst signage, least information about immigration and was least hospitable. The lines were long and the staff didn't say that passport holders can move ahead of the visitors to get to a separate line - an angry man with a populist streak decided to "expose" the officials for their lack of information and led a brigade of citizens through the hallway, down the escalators and right to the US Citizen line. We were grateful and amused.
"Soap in only one dispenser and no paper towels, nice face we put on for the world!" a woman said to Emily in the restroom by the baggage claim.
It seemed harsh and whiney at first, but it had merit. Every airport we've visited has had clean, well stocked bathrooms except JFK. People get off a long flight and they deserve a nice, clean bathroom. Singapore even offered "feminine wash" in the women's room toilet stalls, but we don't have soap available at all sinks? It was a point that stuck with us. No country I've ever been to has an arrival process that feels so harsh, suspicious and stark as ours.
Despite that, the long line moved quickly and it was nice to hear, "Congratulations on your marriage, happy anniversary and welcome home!"
Naturally, it was better when we arrived at my/our friend David and Jessica's doorstep and got a real "Welcome home and happy anniversary!" along with warm hugs. I've known Dave since we were 10 and we share the same warmth and friendship today that we've always had. Moreover, he's a mensch in the true sense of the word.
If going home to LA wasn't on the agenda for our first, week, coming to stay with Dave and Jess is the next best thing. Dave, who is an editor for Cook's Magazine's "America's Test Kitchen" had a fantastic dinner waiting for us at almost 10:00. It also happened to be Dave and Jess' 12-year anniversary which got undercut by our arrival and their two adorable and brilliant kids.
Waking up to a Boston summer day - more arid and less hot than anything we've experienced in the past 5.5 months was a change. So was spending time with six year-old Ben this morning looking at the iPad's Google Maps to show him where his gift came from. Ben, who says he hasn't seen an iPad before began operating it like it was his own hand. He needed no more help than a little spelling when typing in destination names.
This week will be a strange transition - time with friends in Boston and then a four day wedding extravaganza in Goshen, Vermont. It's limbo between our last year and returning to our old life. We're "home," but not fully. We'll have some fun and see people we love while we reacclimatize ourselves - kinda' sorta'.
Over the past few days, as Emily and I took stock of where we've been and where we're going, we realized how fortunate we are. We're coming home with money in the bank. We set aside our "re-entry cushion" as we had planned. We have income, prospects for the future and hopes and dreams for the next phase of life. We're not confused, lost or sad. We have direction, goals and possibility.
That's not to say, we won't miss some of the financial advantages to life abroad. We had more expendable income while being better able to save than we did at home. How many people get to travel the world, do whatever they want and set money aside? We did and we're proud.
We credit our budgeting process. Given we both can find more reasons to spend than save, it took some smart budgeting. In Greece, we developed our daily budget system which we adjusted based on costs, needs and income throughout the course of the trip. Amazingly, we mostly stuck to it - with one big exception. If we overshot our budget on a given day - particularly a weekend - then all bets were off. Not the healthiest exception to the rule, but somehow it all worked out. Surprisingly, these indiscretions occurred most often in Mumbai, Bangkok and a fair amount in Bali.
We are very proud not only of our experiences, but that we achieved all our goals. We enjoyed each other and our travels while succeeding in work and our financial goals. In truth, we aimed high and had our doubts. I believe we achieved because of our teamwork and dedication to each other, as well as our drive and passion for our adventures. Whatever came along technologically, logistically, financially - we made it work. Truly, we never compromised.
Ending this adventure is just that - the end of one of many of life's adventure's. We have so many more ahead. None will ever be this one and nothing will ever go the way this adventure went - but I don't see that as a bad thing. I believe that every time in our life has the possibility of being the best time of our lives. We carry memories of special moments and past favorites that nurture us and bring us joy. I see them as motivations to choose wisely and make the best out of life. We have different and perhaps even richer adventures ahead.
Of course, an adventure isn't just the fun and the warm memories - it's true value is what we take from it. Emily and I have gained so much.
First, there's what we've learned about each other. Spending most, if not every hour of everyday together is trial by fire. All the challenges and weaknesses become clear - and luckily, the issues we encountered were largely small and circumstantial.
If anything, we learned about how to better support and take care of each other. A journey like this takes teamwork and we figured out not just how to function, but what one another needs in a teammate. Being a good partner involves a lot of thought and consideration of one another's needs and workings. We learned what's involved and what that means for each other.
At various points in the year, Emily and I talked about how this wasn't a trip that opened our eyes to the new and unexpected. We weren't shocked and our worldviews weren't changed.
However, the trip challenged us - subtly at times. We visited a broad array of places with cultures and economic levels as different as India to Hong Kong. The way people see the world and what they know about life varies widely.
Some have very limited views with outlooks so simple as to be beautiful. So many in Nepal and Laos are happy with what they have - or at least content. Often, they don't question whether life can or should be "better". They may not even know what "better" means. Nepalis very often are comfortable with what they have and don't question "the way it is" - which leaves them lacking for nothing.
In a way, this is wonderful. In a way, they are fortunate.
They are also - often unknowingly - pawns in other people's games. As peasants throughout place and history so often are, provincial Nepalis and Lao are exploited and sometimes abused. Others have more because they have so little and sadder still, because they ask for nothing for themselves. One person's contentment becomes someone else's excuse not to care for their fellow human beings - even their own people.
In other places, we found people with incredible means. Hong Kong and Singapore are incredibly well-off. They have high per capita incomes, first world standards of living, access to education, civil liberties and the ability to create and claim their destinies. Hong Kongers and Singaporeans have massive advantages and to their great credit, they worked hard for what they have - perhaps harder than most European countries. Hong Kong and Singapore were built on their own sweat and tears - not those of colonies and subjugated peoples.
One night, standing on a cool street in a vibrant section of Hong Kong, I suddenly wondered, "What life is this?" It's a better life than most of the world enjoys in many ways, but in others, it's so devoid. Hong Kongers exist within a tiny space and in a particular, frenetic work-focused environment which, like Singapore, is heavily driven by consumerism. In Hong Kong, you can knock yourself silly, make it big and then buy a nice car (there are no shabby cars in Hong Kong) and spend more time at the mall. Maybe you can enjoy shows, buy art and travel too. And then what?
By the standards of our country - the standards of most visitors to these places - Hong Kong and Singapore are the kinds of places we stand up and applaud. They are the success stories - they worked hard and are living the dream.
Indeed they are - and I respect them deeply.
At the same time, where's the depth, connection and richness? Where does it all lead? Emily and I would have a difficult time living in such places, even though it would nominally be so easy.
Standing there, days before the end of our trip, I realized we loved Bali and Greece - especially Patmos - not just because of the beautiful, relaxed way of life, but because of the people and their values. Although on the surface, these places seem so different from the world from which we come, in a sense - they're more home than home.
Both the Balinese and the Patmosians understand that there's more to life than "making it" and at the same time, don't outright reject Western ways. In fact, they embrace technology and what the outside world has to offer - and then limit it. Earn a living, but share time with family and friends. Maybe it means being a "slacker" by American standards, but never to God. Both cultures spend large amounts of time deeply involved in rituals and tribute to the divine - and in doing so, show love and respect for one another.
Perhaps it's endemic of warm islands - particularly well resourced ones like Bali. They don't need to work as hard for what they have as people in resource-scarce Singapore or the seasonally paralyzed countries of Scandinavia. In many ways, the Balinese and Patmosians are blessed and therefore have the time to thank their creator(s) for all their blessings.
However it happens, their mix of simplicity and awareness are enamoring. The Balinese in particular walk that line between a Nepali's contentment for the life she has with the awareness to know when someone's putting Baby in the corner. They also constantly evaluate and assess the technologies and outlooks foreigners bring to their shores to decide how to respond. In their continual efforts to balance being part of the world, and yet remain themselves, the Balinese perform a more skillful dance than anything they offer at the Lotus Temple or Ulu Watu. It's the ultimate Kecak.
In a sense, we envy them - these people who succeed at moving forward with the world and yet staying grounded in their own culture. In today's world which is being bolstered and ravaged by incredible rapid technological change, everyone struggles.
How do we maintain our values and connections in an age when we communicate via devices and become "friends" with people we often never meet? Do effective communications replace time together? How do we keep the rituals, impart meaning and share richness in a world that's becoming increasingly fast-paced, complex and that demands more of us?
What do we do with the fact that the incredible efficiency technology has created hasn't necessarily enriched our personal lives and inner beings? How do we find meaning, satisfaction and happiness in this incredible unfolding world of limitless potential?
There aren't many parts of the world where people don't ask these questions from France and Turkey to Vietnam and Thailand. Perhaps only in Nepal and India did we find people who are so entrenched in their lots in life afforded to them by the caste system that no questions need to be asked. There are no questions.
The past year hasn't been so different from the rest of my adult life - or Emily's. We're among those blessed with the ability to choose, select and shape our lives. We choose how we find our meaning and seek lives that resonate with our souls. We are both challenged by this heavy task and extremely blessed to have it.
Our journey simply illuminated the challenge - it made the work clearer and easier. Wandering among places, questioning, comparing, contrasting and pondering bring into sharp relief what so many of us do everyday, but perhaps never think about so clearly. We have had the incredible opportunity to step out of our world and think about what matters.
Now we step back in - and hopefully take the thoughts, the wisdom and the shared conclusions to help build a richer, fuller and even more wonderful life together and with those we love.
We want to thank everyone who supported us and made our journey possible. Some people have taken on extra burdens ranging from caring for dogs to handling mail to understanding when we weren't there for important moments. Our friends and family have been nothing but loving and gracious.
I once read that when JK Rowling finished writing the last chapter of the Harry Potter series, sat there and bawled. Years of her life - her work and her passion - had come to a conclusion. A week ago, I began to understand. This blog has been a part of both of our lives - but especially mine - for the past year. It's impossible to separate the journey in real life form the journey in these writings.
Since no one wants to read about how my car's oil change went or what I think about the new Fall line of veggies at Trader Joe's, it's time for this blog to end.
Luckily, today is the beginning of another chapter. Maybe not one I'll chronicle here in such detail - but one that I expect will be just as wonderful and hopefully fascinating. Those of you who read most won't need this blog to know what it contains, you'll be there as it happens.
Sent from my iPad
Comments